How to Survive Friday the 13th



 Friday the 13th has arrived, supposedly the most feared date OF ALL TIME. Friggatriskaidekaphobia (which sounds like what I yell after I slop pasta sauce all over my freshly washed jeans, but is actually the phobia of Friday the 13th) is apparently experienced by a whole truck load of people. But don't worry, below is my five-step-definitely-not-fool-proof-please-don't-sue-me plan to get you through the unluckiest day of the year. 

NBC

1. Pretend to be rational
Friday the 13th is just a superstition right? And you don't believe in superstitions; in fact you didn't even realise it was Friday the 13th until that guy that sits in front of you asked you what date it is. I mean yeah, you read your horoscope, but it was so damn on point last week. You did run into an old friend! Maybe it was pre-organised, but that's not even relevant. Friday the 13th is bogus. 

I'm freaking out ANIMATED GIF
FOX
2. Throw rationality out of the window

Now that you think about it, there was no almond milk left for your cereal this morning. Maybe it was your flatmate, maybe it was...Jason. And after that, you missed the bus by two minutes and had to wait a whole seven more for the next one. What if these aren't just random coincidences? What if it's this day?! There's nothing else for it; find a conspiracy website, and spend the next hour scaring yourself shitless. Did you know Friday the 13th, 2029 an asteroid is going to pass Earth at a closer distance than our satellites? Next up: research cost of at-home bomb shelter.

Disney life mulan lucky lucky cricket
Disney
3. Get lucky
If Friday the 13th is the unluckiest day of the year, surely all you need is a bit of luck to counteract it? As it turns out, bomb shelters do not come cheap, but a Lucky Rabbit's Foot is surprisingly affordable. If the questionable ethics/unfortunate shipping time doesn't tickle your fancy, then you can always head out to your local park and get hunting for a four leaf clover. Bonus points if a bird poops on you while you're out there; this is also lucky as f. This should also pass the time pretty well, which brings me onto my next point:

isabellaauer internet miley cyrus kim banana

4. Distract yo' self
Take your mind off you're inevitable doom, and give in to those procrastination techniques you normally angrily fight off. Stalk the guy you fancied in Year Ten on not one, not two, but all his social media accounts; release yourself into the rabbit hole that is the "trailers" section on YouTube; or grab your nearest friend/co-worker and analyse, categorize and rank every distinguishable style era of Taylor Swift (expect a debate on this one).

5. Sleep it off
If distraction doesn't work, there's only one thing for it; excuse yourself from responsibility and commitments, and crawl into the warm, loving arms we call Bed. Leave a night light on, I won't judge, and remember to tuck all limbs under the covers. Hush, the monsters can't get you now.

Et voil√†! You've just survived Friday the 13th and weren't stabbed next to a lake, not even once! Congratulations. See you next year.

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Emily Vyse

I'm an English and History of Art student splitting my time between York and Somerset. I hope you stick around! .

7 comments:

  1. Haha great post! I love Friday 13th, I am a horror movie junkie. Love your blog, I followed you via Bloglovin. Great photos x

    ALittleKiran | Bloglovin

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  2. So funny! I don't believe in superstitions but I have become wierdly addicted to reading horoscopes! Silly right? Love you Emily! xx

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  3. So funny! I don't believe in superstitions but I have become wierdly addicted to reading horoscopes! Silly right? Love you Emily! xx

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    1. Hahah don't worry- I'm hooked on them too! I know it's silly!! Xxx

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